I missed Jeff's phone call last night. By about a minute. My phone was on vibrate because it was loud and I didn't think I'd be able to hear it. I realized it wasn't touching me, so I looked down and it said i missed his call. I checked the message and he left it a minute before i picked up my phone. It was very sad.
I also went to the park yesterday. I saw married ducks and birds flying together and people holding hands and I was even more sad.
I got a letter from him today. It was a very sad letter.
Needless to say, today is not one of the better days.

I heard from him last night. He said he got rolled. Which means held back a class. So instead of his 12 weeks starting last week, they’ll start on october first. Since he starts so late, his class will break for the holidays and resume for week 12 the first week of jan. He only has one week after that. Logically, they should have started a week early so they can be done by the holidays. Now, he has to take leave if he wants to go home. He graduates Jan 6th, if he doesn’t roll again, or some other unforeseen circumstance happens. He may not be able to start at intel school when he was going to because of this setback. I don’t know what’s going on with our wedding date. It doesn’t matter though. Right now, he needs to get through OCS and we can figure the rest out later. With these extra 3 weeks, he’ll be much better prepared for OCS. He knows the routine. He knows how to eat, he knows his teachers, he’s been around. He has more time to focus on studying and not worrying about his family or me wanting to spend time with him. He has a head start, and I’m sure that will make life easier. I don’t think I get to go to the navy ball, but that isn’t such a big deal, there will plenty of dining outs and balls later.
Hearing his voice last night was amazing. I don’t think it’s ever sounded so good in my entire life. He said that he’ll try to call tonight. Knowing when I get to talk to him next helps. I have a million questions for him. I also found out that he hasn’t gotten any of my mail yet. They’re not supposed to have mail priviledges the first week, but since he hasn’t started yet, I think they should pass it on anyway.

*edit* He did call tonight and I got to spend a good amount of time talking to him. I definately forgot all my questions at the sound of his voice. It makes me melt. I love him so much. He sounded better, calmer. He got some of my letters today. He said he opened one of them, but kept the rest, just in case they keep mail from him at some point. I think I'm going to write little tiny letters with just a sentence or two on them and include them in his other letters, so if he ever just needs a little note, he can open those.

It's also good to know that the reality of it is that they really do want him to succeed. They'll keep him there as long as it takes or until he gives up. That's pretty amazing, that they won't give up with him. He said he'd be able to call twice a week or so, which is so exciting!

While I was mostly optimistic yesterday, Jeff was supposed to be able to call this morning and I haven't heard from him. I'm not really sure what that means, if they just didn't have phone priviledges, or what. Its been over a week and I miss him. This may also mean that I won't get to hear from him until next Sunday and that makes me sad.

It wasn't true. The whole week was just hard. It's officially been one week since I've had any sort of contact with Jeff. I've been sending letters every day, but he can't receive mail yet. The worst part was seeing a car like his and thinking for a split second that it was him, then coming to the realization that he's 3000 miles away and I haven't heard from him in a week.
Today, however, things got better. I found this website last night, which pretty much walks you through the entire OCS process, almost day by day. http://heathalvarez.com/hobbies/ocs.html It said that today, the Saturday after week one, is the hardest day for them. I'm not worried about jeff. I know he can do it. I've seen his determination, and he's passionate about the Navy. But I know it's going to be hard. So I've been in this constant dialogue with God about it - complaining about how much I miss him, wondering why this was God's plan, being sad. But today, it's all been about Jeff and what he's doing today.
Then I got to thinking about the ways in which God has arranged all of this. First of all, I'm in Santa Cruz. I needed to get out of Sacramento. This week, I did hardly anything. I watched TV. I never watch TV. My homework didn't get done. I couldn't find motivation anywhere. And then I had to come to school. I stayed with Elizabeth last night and we went out for food and hung out. I got up early, wrote to Jeff, and went to a coffee place that has wifi. I needed the change, and by arranging school so I come here every weekend, God made it happen.
The day I got home from the airport, I moved out of my apartment abruptly and slightly unexpectedly. It was pretty lonely there - which is ironic because it's across the street from church. I moved home into a house with my step dad who teases me, my mom who makes me food, and my brother who in his own strange way loves me. It's a busy house. I like it that way.
When I look for Him, I see God in all of this. He's been planning for a while, and knows what I need. Lots of things in the past few weeks have been leading up to this. I am where He wants me, even though Jeff isn't here. The best part is that I'm in constant prayer. I still miss him, but realizing all this makes it easier.

Yeah.

Jeff left this morning. Saying goodbye at the airport was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I've been told today is the hardest day. Hopefully that's true.