Jeff and I e-mailed each other a lot at the beginning of our relationship. I spent a while reading through them tonight. They're so sweet. He's amazing. There are e-mails from when he went home for thanksgiving 4 years ago and we were apart for a few days (maybe a week, at the most). Most of them end with "I miss you!". Those words have a whole new meaning now. It's different. Maybe that's why military wives hang out together. There's this understanding - not just people saying "oh that must be hard" or "yeah, my husband went away on a business trip once for a week" - but a true understanding.

It's almost 5 am and I'm still up. I'm pretty sure Jeff somehow gave me his sinus infection and bronchitis. I haven't been sleeping much lately, so I decided to try to make my sleeping patterns more regular. I try to go to bed at the same time every night (11) and get 8 hours of sleep. I got in bed at 11 tonight and finally at 4:30, I was done just laying here. I was supposed to teach tomorrow (today - in 3 hours) but obviously that's not happening. Time for some Nyquil.

Jeff finds out his class rank and his job today. He has his last exam. Then he becomes a candidate officer. He's getting closer to the end every day.

He didn't call because after he got off, he went to Medical. He has a sinus infection and bronchitis. One of the many maybe's. They gave him some medication - special military kind, so he should be getting better pretty fast. I went to disneyland yesterday with my family (My aunt and 2 of my cousins) for thanksgiving. I haven't been there without Jeff in 4 years. It's crazy how you can be surrounded by lots of people - even people who love you - and still feel lonely. I was on the phone with Jeff today and he said his parents are shipping him his cell phone as soon as they get back, and that he's encouraged to keep it on him at all times. I started crying when I heard him say that. I'll actually be able to call - whenever I want! (I probably won't. He won't be able to answer all the time, and I wouldn't want to interrupt anything, but it's a huge comfort knowing that I could call.) I miss him so much. 25 more days.

Jeff said he'd call today and I didn't hear from him. It takes effort to remember that he isn't in control of anything. I have to remind myself that he wants to call but can't, not that he can call but doesn't. He was supposed to have a half day today and then be off for Thanksgiving, all the way through Sunday. Maybe they didn't secure or he didn't pass his test. Maybe he's at Ross' and couldn't get to a phone. Maybe they went out to a movie. Maybe I shouldn't think about the maybe's because there are a million of them. I miss him, and I long to hear his voice. I decided this past week has been harder because tomorrow is Thanksgiving and he's gone. 27 more days...

Yeah. Jeff's still gone. He comes home in a month. 30 days from today. The past week has been another hard one - not sure why. I miss him.

I missed his call again tonight - 3rd time in a row. This time, I was taking a final that went long (over a half an hour long to be exact). :( I hate this.

I missed his phone call again tonight. I was in class, and there was a girl presenting. Normally, if he calls in class, I open my phone to answer it, then walk outside before saying hi. I didn't want to be rude, so I got up, walked out, and tried to answer it, but my voice mail picked up .025 seconds too early. Yesterday, he called while I was in the restroom and I missed his call by a good 30 seconds. I stayed outside for a few minutes hoping he would call right back and give me another chance, but he didn't. After school, I stopped at marianne's, got a milkshake and took a stroll down the beach. (Yes, I'm sick, drinking a milkshake, and walking in the cold, wet sand at 9:00 at night.) The water was freezing. I can't wait for this to be over.

It's 2:30 and I can't sleep. Jeff's awake right now, getting ready for his day. Soon, he'll be putting on his beanie and gloves to do PT. He said it would below freezing this morning. My weather widget says it's 36. I miss him more and more as time goes on. I've found ways to occupy my time, and get my mind off him, and so in that sense, it's easier. But as every day passes, I realize how long it's been since I've seen him. He comes home in 33 days, but that isn't soon enough. Thanksgiving's going to be sad.

My heart still hurts.

It's been a while. My computer's in the shop. The logic board or something. It was supposed to be finished today but the part wasn't shipped - I don't know. Happy Veterans Day. Jeff starts week 7 on Sunday. Getting closer...

This was a good week. I went to LA to see U2 with Jeff's friend, Roy. I stayed with Jeff's family and slept in his bed. We decided on a wedding date, and it's coming up fast - less than 100 days. We're working on a contract with the grand island mansion. I'm sad that Jeff isn't here for this. I know that he could care less about what kind of cake we have (just as long as we have one so we can cut it with his sword), but it's not quite as exciting with him being gone.
Jeff continues to sound better and better. I got another letter from him today. They'll be candi-o's in 3 weeks. Today, they went into town and participated in a 5k. He said they had 3 classes (about 100 people) and completed the run in formation while calling cadance the entire time. Afterwards, their class team wanted to show them off, so he had them do PT (push ups and such) in the middle of the street near the finish line. He said that everyone was cheering them on, and when they crossed the finish line, people were clapping for them. After that, some of his friends went to the mall and had dinner out. Jeff said that people are constantly thanking them for their service. I'm proud of him (and I get to see him in 45 days!).